Love Isn't Fun, It's Stressful!
by crazymusicalgenius96
Summary: A companion piece with "The Advice Column". How Phineas discovers that love doesn't exactly fit under his bracket of "fun" - but that it's still totally worthwhile. Really long oneshot.


_Dream-Isabella spoke first. "Uh, Major Monogram?"_

_A gruff voice said "Um, yes?"_

"_So, none of us will remember any of today?" questioned Dream-Isabella._

"_That's right," said a tallish man with gray hair standing near a computer._

"_Good," said Dream-Isabella, before grabbing Dream-Phineas' shoulders and kissing him full on the mouth._

"_Isabella-!" Dream-Phineas exclaimed in surprise._

_Dream-Isabella smiled and pointed at the red-haired kid sitting at the computer. "Hit it, Carl!"_

"_Wait, wait, wait!" protested Dream-Phineas, but a blinding flash interrupted whatever he was going to say next._

Phineas Flynn woke up, heart racing a million miles an hour. Just a dream, for the thousandth time. He'd had that dream almost nightly for weeks now.

Looking over at Ferb, he sighed in relief. Still sleeping. Good. He didn't really want Ferb to know about this particular dream. The alarm clock read 1:14 am, but Phineas knew he wasn't returning to bed anytime soon.

Which was why he wrote down all of his important secrets in a special program that translated documents to Turkish unless you had the password. Phineas had chosen Turkish because it was one of the few languages Ferb didn't speak.

He crept soundlessly over to the computer, logging in to the program. His journal, entitled "Book of Musings", popped up.

At the top was the tally of how many times he'd had The Dream, as he'd dubbed it. Okay, so maybe a thousand times was a bit of an exaggeration, but 156- now 157- was definitely still bad.

He then went down to the bottom of the page, dated it, and started writing.

**What the heck, brain. I'm sick and tired of your tricks. I just want to be myself again. I'm starting to worry about my sanity. Kissing my best friend probably is NOT the way I ought to be spending my quality sleeping time. Though why does my heart always race whenever I think about it? I'll have to look up the effects of kissing on the body in the morning. Sayonara, Book of Musings, I'm going to try and dream about something else.**

In the morning, Candace came down the stairs swooning as he and Ferb munched on cereal.

"I had the best dream ever last night," she said, glowing with happiness.

Dreams! Phineas was sick and tired of them.

"What was it about?" Ferb asked her.

Candace stopped short, expression going from bliss to confusion. "I...don't...know."

The gears were starting to turn in Phineas' head. "Maybe we could help you remember! And if it's really cool, maybe we could make it into a movie or something!" He turned to Ferb, already planning. "Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today."

They built the dream projecting machine in their usual record time, and had seated Candace in a salon chair and were preparing to attach the electrode to her forehead when...

"Hey, Phineas, whatcha doin'?"

_Uh-oh. Red alert. Say something smart, _Phineas thought desperately.

"Ferb and I are building a dream projector. Candace wanted to make a movie out of her dream, so with this special camera that's exactly what we're going to do!" He nervously clapped his hands, they were kinda sweaty. Why was he suddenly noticing how nice her hair looked in that ponytail?

"Just because I got rid of my busting urges doesn't mean I'm all for this, Phineas," Candace interjected, bringing him back to reality.

Distractedly, Phineas replied, "Candace, it's gonna work, I promise." _Something for Isabella to do so I'm not sweating out of my skin!_ "Hey, Isabella, could you do me a favor and go get some medical tape from my bathroom? We need it to tape the electrodes to Candace's head."

"Sure thing, be back in a few," she said, jogging inside.

Phineas watched her go, perhaps with a _slightly_ longing expression, and he heard Candace and Ferb giggle behind him.

"What's so funny?" he asked, mystified. He certainly didn't think anything comical had happened.

"Phineas, I've got to add one more thing to the front of the machine. Why don't you find a good spot for the electrode on Candace's head?" Ferb suggested.

Phineas was welcome to anything at this point. Thinking about Isabella was making him more anxious by the second. _What is wrong with me? Lack of sleep? Too much milk on my cereal? Am I just subconsciously thinking something about Isabella? It would be nice if my subconscious would tell me what that is._

In his altered state, he nearly put it up Candace's nose. She screamed and wrestled the electrode away from him.

"Here, why don't you just stick it in the middle of my forehead?" she cried.

He felt the roll of tape land in his hand, and quickly remembered what he was doing. He pulled off a piece of tape and stuck it to the electrode. He looked over at Isabella, who was flipping through her Fireside Girls Manual, a piece of bangs falling in her face. "Actually, Candace, that is the best place to put it."

Candace obviously wasn't buying any of it. "I don't even know why we're doing this so early, Phineas, my dream was awfully weird last night. It's only ten am. Maybe I should go back to bed and have a better dream-" she protested, standing up, but Phineas sat her back down.

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, Candace. Now could you please hold still?" Phineas sighed. _Maybe if I touch her, it'll remind me that she's a human...and not a goddess. _"Isabella, could you hold the electrode right here while I tape it to her forehead?"

As Phineas put the tape on Candace's forehead, Phineas brushed Isabella's hand ever-so-slightly. Unfortunately, that only made matters worse. His heart took off like it was racing Secretariat. Candace smirked.

"What was that about, Candace?" asked Phineas, momentarily confused. He saw her mouth something to Isabella, but he couldn't make it out.

He walked over to Ferb. _Hopefully Candace's dream will take my mind off of things._ "Looks good to me, Ferb. Ready to test it out?" Ferb performed his trademark thumbs-up, and pushed the friendly green button marked GO.

Candace's dream began with a giant cartoonish zebra galloping around in circles in front of the Johnson residence. "I love you, Kevin..." it said lazily. Jeremy's sister Suzy ran into the dream, leaping onto the zebra yelling, "¡Andale, no habla español!" repeatedly with various inflection. Suddenly, Jeremy and Candace appeared, floating in on yellow-striped clouds and wearing halos.

"I know what we shall do today, Lady Candace," said Dream-Jeremy.

"What shall that be, Lord Jeremy?" Dream-Candace asked, taking his hand. All of a sudden, they hopped back on the stripy clouds and floated over to an army of robot zebras. Dream-Jeremy then wielded a lightsaber and tore them all apart instantaneously.

"Oh, Lord Jeremy, you're so dashing," said Dream-Candace, dragging him away.

The background shifted to the Flynn-Fletcher backyard, where a wedding ceremony had obviously been set up. It looked like Phineas' Aunt Tiana and Uncle Bob's wedding, only the ice sculpture was now a representation of Phineas and Isabella.

Candace frowned. "Hey! This isn't my dream!"

_Not her dream? Uh-oh. So the dream projector is beaming into someone's head right now..._

In his worry, Phineas didn't watch the dream being projected on the screen. He was concerned that someone was going to get radiation poisoning from the thing.

Dream-Phineas was waiting at the altar, along with Ferb, Jeremy, Baljeet, and Buford. Gretchen, Candace, Ginger, and Milly were the bridesmaids.

Dream-Isabella walked down the aisle in her poofy white wedding gown, positively floating out of happiness. She and Dream-Phineas joined hands in front of a justice of the peace, smiling in pure happiness.

The background shifted again, this time to the garden behind Gretchen's house. At least, that's what Phineas supposed, having never been there. He turned around just as Dream-Gretchen spoke.

"Hello, Ferb," said a Dream-Gretchen.

"Hello, love," Dream-Ferb replied. "Want to sit in the gazebo?" A gazebo sprouted up out of the ground, complete with a bench perfectly sized for teenaged lovers. Dream-Ferb kissed Dream-Gretchen's forehead, then sat her down on the bench, suddenly holding cups of tea that were six feet tall.

The dream dissolved and, to Phineas' horror, was replaced by the familiar beginnings of The Dream.

_Great. Now everyone gets to see what I'm plagued with day in and day out._

Dream-Isabella spoke first. "Uh, Major Monogram?"

A gruff voice said "Um, yes?"

"So, none of us will remember any of today?" questioned Dream-Isabella.

"That's right," said a tallish man with gray hair standing near a computer.

"Good," said Dream-Isabella, before grabbing Dream-Phineas' shoulders and kissing him full on the mouth.

"Isabella-!" Dream-Phineas exclaimed in surprise.

Dream-Isabella smiled and pointed at the red-haired kid sitting at the computer. "Hit it, Carl!"

"Wait, wait, wait!" protested Dream-Phineas, but, as always, a blinding flash interrupted whatever he was going to say next. The dream projector shut itself off and began emitting a high-pitched whine.

Phineas, who had edged over to it during Isabella's dream, picked it up and turned it over in his hands. Trying to remain nonchalant, he avoided looking at Isabella at all costs for fear of death or world explosion. "How odd. It showed all of our dreams and not just Candace's. Interesting." He smiled at Ferb, quickly changing the subject. "Man, that gazebo in your dream was cool! A growing gazebo...I like the alliteration."

"I must say I think that's a slightly corny way of saying it, but I do agree that my subconscious came up with a great idea," added Ferb.

Phineas gave Isabella a friendly goodbye hug and raced back inside, Ferb following after him with a bemused expression on his face; they needed to fix the dream projector, plus their mother had just made a banana cream pie.

Once they were back inside their room, Phineas noticed a small button on the front that wasn't in the blueprints.

"Ferb...what's this button do?"

Ferb stared back at Phineas.

"Oh, you added that on so we could see everyone's dreams...he he he...why are you laughing? Everyone seems to think I'm hilarious today, and there's no reason for it! What is everyone's problem? Better yet..." He flopped down on his bed. "...what's my problem?"

"Phineas, you're in love with Isabella. Plain and simple. You might as well go over to her house right now and ask her on a date."

Phineas' eyes flew open. Could it be true? Love was supposed to be fun, not stressful and sweat-producing.

"By the way, I've had a Turkish-to-Japanese translator for about a month."

Phineas sat up and looked at his brother. "You've been spying on me?"

"Well, you only started closing your files about two weeks ago. You left it open on the desktop, I wasn't sure what it was, so I got a Turkish-to-Japanese translator. I didn't realize it was your Book of Musings until it was too late."

Phineas fell back on the bed, sighing again. "I don't know, Ferb. This definitely does not feel like love to me. Love is supposed to be...rose petals and romantic candlelit dinners! Not...a...laboratory...kissing your best friend. I think I'm just broken."

Ferb rolled his eyes. "Just wait until Lira Crowley comes tomorrow, she'll tell you the exact same thing."

"I think not, my friend."

"I will bet you my _hair_ that she will agree with me," Ferb pleaded.

"Okay, fine. If I'm right, I shave your head. If I'm wrong, you do whatever you want to me."

Ferb smiled. "I think I'll leave you be, actually."

(SKIP FORWARD IN TIME TO LIRA'S INTERPRETATIONS...)

All of a sudden, Ferb spoke up. "If I heard you right earlier, Lira, you do perform dream interpretations as well?"

"Yup."

_Crap. Crap, crap, crap. I don't want her to interpret my dreams, Irving's her brother!_

"Well, I believe that young Phineas here needs a little interpreting," Ferb concluded.

_Don't do this to me, Ferb! I don't even wanna talk about The Dream!_ "Ferb...what are you getting me into here?"

"Come on, Phineas, it'll be fun!" Isabella cried, dragging him into the middle of the circle with her. Sweaty palms were back, and his heart was easily beating Secretariat.

"You don't even have to say the dream out loud, Phineas, she already saw it yesterday at home," Irving said excitedly.

Phineas stared at Irving. "Okay, dude, that's more than slightly creepy." Resigned to his fate, he turned to face Lira. "But...okay. You can interpret my dream from yesterday."

"Awesomesauce!" Lira practically sang. "Phineas, your dream is a classic dream that fifteen-year-old boys dream all the time. The snogging dream."

Adyson, Holly, and Katie snickered in their corner of the cabana. Everyone else looked slightly uncomfortable, especially Ferb and Gretchen.

Lira continued. "Yet yours was different. You and Isabella were ten years old again in the dream. That symbolizes chastity and purity. And she kissed you- meaning a slight bit of hesitation, immaturity, perhaps? But you liked it- at least you sure looked like it in the dream- and you have no idea what to do."

_Okay, maybe I did like it. But...but... _"She's my best friend!" Phineas cried.

"So?" Lira asked, lifting one eyebrow.

"Sure, she may be a girl...a really cute, honest, smart, funny girl...but that doesn't mean anything!" Phineas was almost as red as his hair. He was scared out of his wits.

"Phineas, it's a dream interpretation. Everything means something. Now I haven't finished yet, so you need to sit still and quit interrupting me. You don't know what to do. Let me give you some advice- you and Isabella need a serious talk."

"But there's no way she could-" _Could what? Love me back? Wait, no!_ "I mean...I mean, I...no!" She'd be so angry if their friendship dissolved over this. "I can't hurt her! Or us!" said Phineas, leaping up and running from the tent. He had to get away, had to think. So he stormed as fast as he could towards the park.

Eventually, he noticed that Isabella had joined him. He had nothing to say to her. Not yet, at any rate.

Gradually they slowed down to more of a stroll. "I'm sorry," Isabella said.

"There's no need," Phineas replied stoically.

They walked on further in silence, turning corners when necessary.

"Are we going where I think we're going?" asked Isabella, turning to him.

"Where do you think we're going?"

"Your favorite thinking spot by the Dan Creek Bridge."

"You would be correct in that matter, Isabella."

More silence. Phineas kind of relished it. For once, he didn't need to say anything to get his point across - he was confused beyond all reason.

"I hate to say it again, Phineas, but I am honestly sorry about Lira. I didn't know she was going to talk to you like that."

Phineas didn't really want to talk about Lira after his pride had been wounded.

"It's not your fault. I'm the one who started it by agreeing to build her a tarot machine," he said, scoffing a little, but mostly angry at himself.

They had reached the bank of Dan Creek. The bridge was small, but just the right size for two fifteen-year-olds having a rhetorical discussion. Phineas and Isabella casually walked onto the bridge, stopping in the center to lean against the railing.

"Phineas..." Isabella paused. "I...I guess I should have said this earlier. Lira came today because I wrote her asking for advice. About you."

Phineas simply stared at her. "Really? You wrote her about...me?" _Maybe she_ does _feel something for me._

"Yup. Though she really did want the tarot-reading thing on her website. You'll have to make that up to her eventually. But let's not get off-topic here."

He felt her hand touch his, bringing up all the old complaints. But Phineas was learning to enjoy them. He intertwined his fingers between hers.

"That dream from the dream projector...I have it almost every night now. I didn't know what it meant, if anything, but then I guess Lira informed me today." He sighed. "I'm so confused, Isabella. What if everything goes wrong? What if I'm just being silly? What if-" _Oh, God, I'm doing this all wrong, aren't I?_

"Phineas, relax. You aren't just being silly. I've had that dream before too," Isabella confessed. She was somehow creeping closer to him with every word she said. How was she doing that?

"It's a weird dream, don't you think, Isabella? You...you know...kissing me...in some strange laboratory." Phineas looked at the setting sun. "Isabella, somehow even this sunset seems pale and bleak. And it's August! But when I look at you..." Her beauty radiated from her...it was unlike anything Phineas had ever experienced.

"You know, Phineas, your dream doesn't only have to be a dream," Isabella said. She was almost facing him now, so he decided to turn toward her a little bit. Okay, maybe a bit more. Bit more...

Phineas cleared his throat. "Well, um, I, uh..." He trailed off, turning beet red.

Isabella smiled. "Yes?"

_Okay. I can do this. Just...say the words. Right here. Right now._

"I love you, Isabella."

And he meant it, truly. He took her other hand, and decided to try that inching closer thing that Isabella had been doing earlier.

"Really?" she whispered.

"Yup," said Phineas.

"You know how long I've waited for you to say that?" Isabella asked, smiling.

Phineas became redder than he already was. _She's always liked me, hasn't she?_ "Probably a while."

"Phineas, I've waited ten years to hear those words, and I've waited ten years to say these back." She took a deep breath, then plowed on. "I love you too, Phineas."

Phineas looked down at his feet, his face a more brilliant red than his hair. He never expected Isabella, of all people to say those words to him, and stranger yet, he never expected to want her to say them. Then he remembered...Candace and Jeremy on that bridge! In Paris! And Isabella had said something about a love scene on a bridge... He looked back up at Isabella, a look of wonderment in his eyes. "This is a bridge."

"Yes..." said Isabella, sounding confused.

"We just did a love scene...I think," Phineas continued, hoping she would get the hint.

"Okay...oh! I get it! It's a love scene on a bridge. Like Candace and Jeremy in Paris."

"Yeah," Phineas said, his blush fading slightly. "I remember you said something to Candace about that."

"'At least you got a love scene on a bridge,'" Isabella cried.

Then a really new, scary, strange thought occurred to Phineas.

_Kiss the girl._

But how to phrase it?

"They never got to kiss on the bridge, did they?" Phineas asked.

"No...the plane was already floating down the river."

"Well, maybe...we should." Phineas cleared his throat again, hoping she would get the hint. "Uh, kiss. You know. Since they couldn't."

Now it was Isabella's turn to blush. "It's as good a time as any."

Now all he had to do was close the two-inch gap between their lips...semi-gracefully. How hard could it be?

_I built a helicopter with cheese blades this morning, yet this afternoon I'm worrying about moving two inches and touching...Isabella's...lips...with mine..._

He stared into her eyes, shining in the dusk, and found the inspiration to close that gap.


End file.
